I've been rather nostalgic and reminiscent this week - losing something close to your heart has that effect on you. It makes you think of everything you have and don't have anymore. You get a sense of longing, as though you need to fill some empty space.
I broke out the yearbook and photo albums and just flipped through, thinking back to some of the best times of my life... and of course the most heartbreaking ones. I came across this one photo though that really caught my attention. In it I'm laughing, just with my friends doing nothing too special. But in the background is someone who is just watching our group. I don't mean in a creeper kind of way - It's almost like he's just curious or something. Like he's wondering what's so funny. Anyway, I don't recognize him at all. It makes me wonder how many people out there right now thinking of someone, and maybe that person doesn't even know it.
Sometimes we're so caught up in our own stuff that we just don't look around. Someone could be in love with you right now, or appreciate you because you changed their lives, or maybe is envious of you. Everyday we meet someone new, but we decide if that person will somehow become part of our lives - or just a background image in a photo. It's pure chance the people that enter our lives and the choices me make determine how big a role they will play. I've made some pretty shit head choices for sure, but I also made some AMAZING ones as well. I can never get over how truly blessed I am to have my small circle. Even in my deepest depression or darkest hour, they know how to pull me out. They erase the memory of the sucky choices, or at least the pain of it.
We all have people from our past that find a way to resurface in our minds every so often. And with them come bittersweet memories, anger or even hope. The only thing that really bums me out is thinking of the people that touched my world so briefly that I'll probably never have anything to do with again. Not everyone is meant to stay in your life. They have their purpose, even if it's not the same as our original intentions. I try not to regret any of my choices because they slowly define me. They teach me to be the kind of person I want to become or about creating the kind of love that'll make it all worth it. We all hope though that the people we think of are thinking of us too.